tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
