I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
