it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
