Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
