He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
