There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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