summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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