M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
