Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
