Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
