After last night, I could never be a politician.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
