Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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