hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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