go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
