I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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