I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
