ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
