As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
