wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
