Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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