Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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