those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
