I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
