Your face is a jimmy john
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
