Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
