I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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