I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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