I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
