think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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