smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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