I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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