you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This baby is an asshole
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
