Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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