i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
