Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
