Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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