can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
