i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
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So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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