U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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