But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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