so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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