dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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