You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
