Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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