her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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