Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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