Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
