Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize