Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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