Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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