Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize