i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bring me that man meat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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