I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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