Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
