Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
