I heard we made out
So drunk its hurt
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
