You smell like a Billy Joel song
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
