Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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