i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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