Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that