i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.