the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.