if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?