I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.