how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram