We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?