Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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