I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
